You’ve shown off your pets and xxx videos sex at sporting eventshad some good LOLs, and now the Zoom/FaceTime/HouseParty hang is winding down. But how to actually end it? It’s not like you have anywhere to go.
In a virtual hangout, the regular outs of in-person hangs aren't an option: no waiter is bringing a check, there's no drive home, no babysitter to relieve.
But you still have to call it quits before the conversation devolves into awkward silence. Or, worse: an uncomfortable divulging of stories, feelings, and details of your friend’s, coworker's, or (worst of all) mom’s life you wish you’d never heard.
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A few options lay before you, each endorsed by a different Mashable staffer for its effectiveness. You can go direct or passive, honest or deceitful. All have their merits and downsides. What we present you with is knowledge. How YOU, Zoomer, choose to use it, is up to you. Proceed with caution.
SEE ALSO: 8 tips for throwing a virtual cocktail partyHere are eight methods to employ to master the art of the virtual hang hangup.
1. The Hard Stop Interruption
THE METHOD:When you feel an endpoint has been reached, just say you have to go. No need to give a reason. Direct and to the point.
THE WORDING:Ok, it’s been fun chatting! It was great to see you. I’m gonna go now. Bye!
THE ENDORSEMENT:
I'm all about the Hard Stop Interruption. If things actually do come up, like my kid just knocked over his chocolate milk or something, I'll just tell them what's going on. "Hey, I gotta run. My kid just got his drink everywhere." But, if the conversation is going on and it's clear that it's time to wrap things up, I'll let the other person finish their thought and then simply go "Alright, well it's been nice talking." No made-up excuses needed. A call cannot last for eternity and we're all adults here. If there's nothing left to say, then peace! — Matt Binder
2. The Techno-Devious
THE METHOD:Pretend the app or program is glitching, or that you can’t hear what the other person is saying. This is the video conference equivalent of the telephone call standby “Whattt, you’re breaking up!”
THE WORDING:Hey, hello? Are you there? Oh no, you’re frozen. Shit. I’m sorry. I think my app is glitching. Ok, I’m gonna go, bye. [Then, of course, send a follow up text: Sorry about that! Stupid internet connection. So good chatting
THE ENDORSEMENT:
The best way to get off a video call, of course, is to say something along the lines of, “Hey, I gotta roll. Great chatting! Stay well." And then disconnect the call. Definitely don’t provide a reason, as that gives people an opening to second guess your motives and wonder why you think walking the dog is more important than chatting with grandma, or whatever. If the direct route is too much for you to muster, then just pretend your call is breaking up due to the woes of our supposedly overburdened internet: "Hey, what was that? Did you mute yourself…? Hello? … Huh. I can’t hear you… let me try disconnecting and calling you back," and then just hang up. Turn you WiFi off and be done with it. — Jack Morse
3. The Passive Aggressive: Let Your Device DIE
THE METHOD:Don’t charge your laptop or phone before a call. Then, if you see that your juice is getting low, and you think you’ll be ready to end the conversation in the next few minutes, just let that baby burn down to nothing.
THE WORDING:N/A, except you might want to send a text after. “Oh No, I’m so sorry my phone/laptop died!”
THE ENDORSEMENT:
Letting your battery die not only makes it seem like you're so engaged in the conversation you don't realize you're low on juice, but it also means you don't have to lie. I mean, your phone did actually die. — Brenda Stolyar
4. The Irish Goodbye
THE METHOD:Literally just hit the escape button and end the hang. This works better in group hangs than one-on-one, depending on how big of an asshole you are.
THE WORDING:Literally none.
THE ENDORSEMENT:
Traditional social norms flew out the window weeks ago, so why bother saying goodbye virtually if you don't feel like it? There's a good chance nobody will notice and you can blame it on your connection, anyway. — Alex Perry
Parting is such sweet sorrow. Emphasis on sweet. Credit: bob al-greene / mashable 5. The Lie
THE METHOD:Say you’ve got to go for whatever made up reason. A good one is that you have another Zoom call scheduled.
THE WORDING:Hey, I’ve gotta run. I’ve got another Zoom scheduled. I know, so lame that this is our life. Anyway, great seeing you!
THE ENDORSEMENT:
I’m not saying I’ve done this, but you can always say that you have to leave to join another Zoom group chat. That way you look popular when you’re really just leaving to watch Netflix. — Keith Wagstaff
6. The Space for Self Care
THE METHOD:This is similar to the direct goodbye, but you give an explanation that means you’re prioritizing doing something to take care of yourself, while also encouraging your chat partner to do the same.
THE WORDING:*** see below for a perfect example ***THE ENDORSEMENT:
I’m all about the self-care hang up. It’s a bastardized version of a technique I learned as a peer listener in college, but it’s helpful in enforcing boundaries as well as encouraging friends to self-care too. Here’s an example: “Okay, I think I’m gonna make myself dinner and read. What’s something nice you’re gonna do for yourself when we hang up?” — Anna Iovine
7. The Strategic Schedule
THE METHOD:Schedule your virtual hangs for a time when you know you have a hard stop, such as for another call or commitment. Or plan in advance for someone else to give you an “out” by calling you at a certain time.
THE WORDING:Hey, I’ve got another Zoom hang / Hey, I want to tune in to this LiveStream that starts in two minutes. / Oh hey, my mom is calling me. I’ve gotta go, nice chatting!
THE ENDORSEMENT:
I’m not suggesting you double-book your Zoom calls, but you can strategize when they happen. To ensure a Zoom friend date or high-school buddies happy hour doesn’t drag on, conveniently plan dinner for 30 minutes after the call starts. Or tell your mom to call you at a certain time. There are many livestreaming events (like One World: Together at Home with Lady Gaga) you can plan around your Zoom calls, so if you want to experience the “live” part you gotta run! — Sasha Lekach
8. The Tech Fatigued
THE METHOD:This is the "it’s not you, it’s me" of hangups. Since so many of us are likely spending all day looking at a screen for work, the fact that we have to rely on screens for our social lives and entertainment, too, is exhausting. It’s understandable that you and your poor eyes would need a break from the 2D world.
THE WORDING:Alright, I need to not look at a screen for a bit, so I’m gonna go. So good to see you but I think I’m gonna go craft.
THE ENDORSEMENT:
I’m already watching way too much Netflix and playing way too much Animal Crossing. I’m craving human interactions right now, sure, but what I really crave is a break from tech of any sort. — Haidee Chu
Via GiphyWe’re so lucky that technology has enabled us to stay in touch with the people we love, even while we’re social distancing at home. It’s also totally OK to take a break from that tech, and just be with ourselves. Enjoy your screen time, and your screen-free time, everyone. We hope this helps make both a little better.