"You're going to sue Greenpeace?old man sex video xxx I like your style, Greg."
Succession has taken its final bow for a ruthless third season, leaving us in dire need of "that first glass of very cold white wine before dinner" after weeks of bathing in poisonous banter from the Roy family.
Jesse Armstrong's riveting series is synonymous with sharp writing and even sharper backstabbing, with the show's knockout cast delivering some of the most casually cruel conversations and ruthless personal undermining on TV. These are ice-cold moments, actions so subtly despicable or overtly messed up that they turned our stomachs, dropped our jaws, awkwardly reminding us exactly who our crushes were.
From Kendall disrupting Shiv’s speech with thatNirvana song, to brutal truths one should neversay to their kids, to Kendall's trainwreck of a birthday party, these are the most diabolical scenes from Season 3 of Succession. We haven't included every time the Roys start a rumour or skew the news for political gain, because that's a constant hum. And we could possibly skip right to the finale, because what?!
Grab a donut and let’s put ourselves through it all again. Fuck it.
1. The mysterious case of the (poisoned?) donuts
"Have a nice tea party." Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO According to Sun Tzu (yeah, stay with me), "The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting," and in episode 2, Logan Roy does it with donuts. Using his ex-wife's apartment to “hit up some Bojackguys” to write his tweetsbuild his resistance, Kendall gets one chance to win over his siblings. As they weigh up their own rank on Logan's side, Shiv, Roman, and Conner head to Kendall's base, despite their father's order, "No one talks to the snake." Kendall gains a glimmer of ground, but Logan doesn't leave things up to chance, accurately surmising where his kids are, and tightening his grip through a devilish delivery.
"Dad has sent some perfectly innocent and I'm sure safe-to-eat donuts," says Conner, reading the card. "He wants us all to 'have a nice tea party.'" Shiv's chilling instinct is to warn Conner against eating them, to which he replies, “You think he would send poisoned donuts to the house of his grandchildren?” — see below section under: Logan, poison, grandkids. "I’m like 98 percent sure those are not poisoned," says Roman, insisting despite Kendall’s brush-off, “These are relevant donuts." Conner stares at the treats before bailing on Kendall, who then scrambles to unsuccessfully appeal to Roman and Shiv. "Have you been spooked by fucking donuts?" he asks. Donuts: both relevant andpoisonous. — Shannon Connellan, UK Editor
2. Kendall blasting that Nirvana song
So, so bad. Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO It's not often that Kendall manages to get the better of his family. He's so often on the losing side (especially when going up against his father) that his ruthless method of disrupting the Waystar RoyCo town hall meeting in episode 3 comes as even more of a shock. In the episode (aptly titled "The Disruption") Kendall — in peak annoyingly-jubilant mode — returns to the office for the first time since exposing Logan's prior knowledge of the company's sexual misconduct scandal. The reason for him being there? So he can blast Nirvana's 1993 song "Rape Me" at top volume over a speech Shiv is giving to placate shareholders. Nobody can find the source of the sound for several excruciating seconds, and it blares through the meeting over everything else. Publicly humiliated, Shiv plans a brutal retaliation with her open letter, which is also a diabolical moment worthy of this list. — Sam Haysom, Deputy UK Editor.
3. The walk of doom through the dunes
Lovely day for an extremely tense walk. Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO Pretty much every interaction between Kendall and his dad in Season 3 is horrendous, but their meeting with major shareholder Josh Aaronson (Adrien Brody) in episode 3 has to be one of the worst. Barely exchanging words in their first in-person interaction since Kendall’s press conference, father and son attempt to feign solidarity to a concerned Josh on a walk through the dunes. At their destination, a decadent lobster lunch at which Josh asks whether the two can work together, Logan tries to convince him with a seemingly heartfelt speech about how, at the end of the day, "He's a good kid, and I love him...Maybe he’s the best one of all of them." As Josh takes a call, the silence that follows this statement is immense, and you might actuallybelieve it. On the way back, though, when Kendall finally comments, Logan gives the following response to his son: "Well, you'll say anything to get fucked on a date, won't you?" Urgh. — S.H.
4. Greg threatening to sue...Greenpeace
"I like your style, Greg." Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO Cousin Greg’s love language? Litigiousness. In episode 5, Cousin Greg (Nicholas Braun) meets up with his grandfather, Ewan (James Cromwell), who is displeased with his allegiance to Logan and informs him of his intention to leave all his worldly possessions to Greenpeace, leaving Greg *checks notes*penniless. What’s to be done? Greg hurriedly makes some panicked phone calls in a bid to prevent the unthinkable from happening. “Do you think it’s possible to sue a person — a grandparent, for example — in a way which is, like, in an affectionate way?” Greg asks a legal adviser. “I like your style Greg,” says Tom later. “Who are you going to go after next, Save the Children?” For those interested, lawyers say that it is possibleto do — albeit with a few caveats. Greg’s lawyers in the show run with a comment being promoted by the nonprofit as "defamation." Greenpeace took it upon themselves to respond to the storyline, as did actor Nicholas Braun. — Rachel Thompson, Senior Culture Editor.
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5. Logan blocking Kendall's number. Permanently.
Brutal. As always. Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO Nothing says "daddy issues" like an actual father blocking his son's number from his phone "permanently." In yet another crushing parental blow in episode 5, Logan decides to go "no contact" on rebel-without-a-cause Kendall. Not wanting to get his hands dirty, he passes his phone to his executive assistant, Kerry, to do the deed on his behalf. Still, that's not the last snub Kendall will enjoy from daddy dearest. After the blocking incident, Kendall eventually gets a 40th birthday card lovingly signed with the (frankly heartless) words "cash out and fuck off." Can anyone feel a draught or is it just the ice coldness of Logan Roy's parental affection (or lack thereof)? — R.T.
6. Logan forcing a 'family picture' with Mencken
"Are you part of this family or not?" Well... Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO "Welcome to Clown Town." Hushed, gross conversations, political hearsay, and suck-up Cokes run episode 6, which sees the Roys schmoozing at the Future Freedom Summit. While essentially picking the next presidential nominee to back, one candidate comes to the fore for the Roys: far-right, white supremacist, populist Congressman Jeryd Mencken, who gets to know Roman over...gulag jokes (this type of shocking dialogue continues all through this episode). In a rare moment of moral awareness, Shiv is outraged, warning Logan: "Mencken is an integralist, nativist fuckhead. He's toxic. He's 'Medicare for all, abortions for none.' And his idea of diplomacy is shooting roe deer with Viktor Orban and then starting a trade war with China. He is outside the American political tradition, and I think we have a responsibility as Waystar to the American republic...He's talking about burning Qurans and licensing press credentials." Regardless, Logan picks Mencken and forces Shiv to take a "family photo" with him, though she tries to refuse. "Get in the photo, please," he says. "Siobhan, are you part of this family or not?" We'll see. — S.C.
7. Roman pushing Kendall over at his own birthday
No treehouse, denied. Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO If birthday parties are supposed to be a joyous celebration with those closest to you, then Kendall's, which takes over the entirety of episode 7, is the exact opposite. The Roy siblings are all in attendance and they're all at their absolute worst to each other, bickering over entry to a treehouse and taking bitter shots every time they interact. But it’s the final exchange between Roman, Shiv, and Kendall that really plummets the evening into uncharted depths of cringe. Kendall is already in a bad place at this point (he's realised the event "feels like an asshole's birthday party," and he's obsessed with finding a missing present from his kids) and Roman begins to incessantly poke at him until Kendall finally gets in his face and says, "You're not a real person." Roman's response? Pushing Kendall in the back as he walks away, so he awkwardly stumbles and falls flat on his face, humiliating him in front of a room full of guests. Ouch. — S.H.
8. Caroline's "I should have had dogs" moment
This scene. We can't. Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO The only thing worse than every conversation the Roy children have with each other is every conversation they have with their parents. During the wedding in Tuscany (and the site of more than a few deeply poisonous moves), Shiv sits down with Lady Caroline Collingwood for a little mother-daughter chat. The topics? How Shiv's mom thinks neither of them are fit for motherhood, how she "should have had dogs" instead of children, and how Shiv is "her onion" because she's always making her cry. The scene pretty much deserves an award for cramming that muchtoxic sniping into one five-minute exchange. — S.H.
9. Logan essentially using his grandchild as a food tester
Sit down, have a bite. Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO There are few greater testaments to just how messed up the Roy family is than the dinner Kendall invites his father to as an olive branch in the series' penultimate episode. The two have been warring for the entire season at this stage, and Logan is so suspicious when the pasta arrives that he's worried his own son might be trying to poison him. His reaction? Beckon Kendall's son over, ie. his own grandson, and coax him into taking the first bite. Truly nauseating, and he caps it all off by goading Kendall about the young man who drowned when Kendall crashed off a bridge in the show's first season. What a lovely father figure. — S.H.
10. Shiv's conversation with Gerri
11/10 diabolical, Shiv. Big no. Credit: Macall B. Polay / HBO Just when you thought the tension between Roman and Gerri couldn’t get more fraught, the youngest Roy son goes and accidentally sends a dick pic to his dad in episode 8. Then, just as you’re trying to rid yourself of the image of Roman viscerally cringing in horror at the error, things take a turn for the even worse. The youngest Roy is forced to explain himself to his dad, who demands to understand why he’s texting pics of his family jewels to the interim CEO of the family business. “Here's my dick, I guess,” is his somewhat perfunctory explanation. In a move that no one saw coming, Shiv then decides to capitalise on this unfortunate incident by attempting to manipulate Gerri into reporting her brother for sexual harassment, feigning #metoo concern and #girlboss camaraderie. — R.T.
And of course, the entire goddamn finale
The ultimate diabolical sneak attack. Credit: Graeme Hunter / HBO Two words: Tom Wambsgans. We're just going to direct you to this breakdown of the finale we've done on Mashable, then go back to some deep breathing. What are we going to do with a soul anyways? Souls are boring. Boo souls.
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