We're all stuck inside,pegging sex videos we're all watching Netflix, which means a huge portion of the nation is watching — or in all likelihood rewatching —The Office.
So when people started choosing which quarantine houses they'd like to live in, Mashable's first inclination was to create a meme splitting Officecharacters into homes. But what if you had to choose justone character?
As perhaps the two most-Office obsessed people living, we — Mashable's Nicole Gallucci and Tim Marcin — decided to take on the Herculean task of drafting which characters from The Office we'd most (and least) like to be stuck inside with for the foreseeable future.
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We narrowed the character pool down to 25 — eliminating some smaller characters like Holly Flax, Deangelo Jeremetrius Vickers, and Todd Packer — and got to drafting. Each person had a chance to explain their own selections and react to opposing draft picks. Below is the pool we used.
Office draft quarantine pool. Credit: Mashable As the resident Officeexpert at Mashable, Nicole was awarded the first pick. Here goes nothing.
1. Pam Beesly - Nicole
Pam Beesly, the most organized, respectful, and safest quarantine choice. Credit: Chris Haston / NBCU Photo Bank Nicole: My first pick is a safe bet, but I think Pam would be the calmest, most civil quarantine partner at Dunder Mifflin. We would strike an amazing balance between having fun and being concerned about the situation. Pam's also super organized and we'd respect each other's space for much-needed alone time.
Tim: OK, first, Nicole, how dare you. Unfair. Pam was also my No. 1 choice for nearly all the same reasons. Just a model choice for a quarantine buddy.
2. Pete Miller - Tim
Plop! You can rely on him. Credit: Chris Haston / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Tim: With Beesly off the board, I'm going a little rogue here with Pete "Plop" Miller. He's reliable, friendly to everyone, and a problem solver. He also seems like a good time while not verging into wildcard territory. Like Pete has a drinking pal named "Flipper" — a moniker the friend earned by flipping a table — but Plop crucially admits that friend is an idiot.Also, remember that time he turned complaint cards into a fun stacking-game? That's the kind of innovative thinking that'll help pass the time in isolation.
Plop from the office. Credit: THE OFFICE / NBC / NETFLIX 
Pete from the office. Credit: THE OFFICE / NBC / NETFLIX Nicole: Amazing pick. Who doesn't love Plop? Just an all-around calm, cool, and collected guy. Quarantining with him is like a more subdued version of quarantining with Jim, which brings me to my next pick.
3. Jim Halpert - Nicole
Jim Halpert, the entertaining quarantine partner. Credit: NBCUniversal via Getty Images Nicole: It's a slight risk to quarantine with Jim, because Darryl once called him out for being a messy roommate and I'd be putting myself at risk of being pranked, but I think we would have a lot of fun together. Jim's shenanigans would be a great distraction from *everything* and he's extremely charming. He also has the emotional range needed to make me laugh AND seriously comfort me. As fans know, Jim can, at the very least,make grilled cheese and gelatin, so if all else fails we could live off of that cursed meal.
Tim: Jim is an undeniably solid choice. Nice guy, considerate, funny, caring. I was less worried about the mess: I am very, very messy. I, too, let the dishes "soak." But I was a bit more worried about pranks. Jim loves to prank when he's bored and — considering data shows we're all drinking a bit too much in quarantine — we all know he gets "pranky" when he drinks. But yeah, I can't argue with the selection too much, he was high on my list.
4. Kevin Malone - Tim
Pray Kevin makes chili in quarantine. Then pray he doesn't drop it. Credit: Chris Haston / NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images Tim: I'm going with Kev here for a few reasons. One: He's friendly and nobody has any real problem with him beyond the fact that he's really bad at being an accountant. Two: He ultimately becomes a bartender, an undeniably useful quarantine skill. Three: You know my guy is going to Flavortown on some chili during isolation.
Nicole: Kevin seems like a lot of work. He may make amazingisolation chili, but he might drop it on the floor and you'll be quarantined with smelly chili carpet. You'd also have to explain COVID-19 to him a bunch, and I doubt he'd remember to take precautions seriously, which is stressful. Definitely a nice dude, though.
5. Kelly Kapoor - Nicole
A Kelly Kapoor quarantine would be like a never-ending high school sleepover. Credit: Ron Tom / NBC / NBCU Photo Bank Nicole:I'm sure many will disagree with me, but I'm choosing Kelly. Sure she might get annoying, but we'd watch rom-coms, talk about crushes, and probably give each other cute quarantine makeovers. I should focus on picking people who could help me survive, but if I have to stay inside for who knows how long I want to be with someone who makes me happy!
Tim: While I wouldn't have picked Kelly this high up, I get it. If quarantining has taught us anything, it's that finding happiness where you can is absolutely essential. I would really love to watch Bravo shows with Kelly, to be honest, but I also think there's a distinct chance the boredom of isolation drives her nuts and you would suffer the brunt of that.
6. Darryl Philbin - Tim
Darryl is a good time. Plain and simple. Credit: Byron Cohen / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Tim: OK, so I*might* drive Darryl nuts because I'm messy like Jim, but he seems like a safe bet overall. We'd probably just watch dumb TV, play video games, eat junk food, and shoot the shit, which is about all you can ask for. Darryl is also a good musician but not obnoxious about it like Andy, so he could entertain me on the keys. And at his core, he's a pretty tender and considerate guy, which will be helpful when everything really sucks.
Nicole: Ugh, this is a loss for me. Darryl's a great choice and was high up on my ranking. He's super cool and I'm trying to learn to play piano in quarantine, so I need him to help me.
7. Karen Filippelli - Nicole
Karen Filippelli will be chill and mature. Credit: Paul Drinkwater / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Nicole: When it comes to Jim, I'm not Team Karen. But she does seem like a very normal, intelligent, caring person, and would thus make a great quarantine partner. Remember when she took care of Jim after he got drunk at work? I want to quarantine with someone who has a good head on their shoulders and that's her. (Also we're both Italian and would have great quarantine food.)
Tim: Karen is decidedly normal and was very high on my list as well. No qualms with this pick beyond the fact that I wanted to pick her. (But for the record I am also Team Pam.)
8. Dwight K. Schrute - Tim
Dwight has a whole-ass farm with crops and livestock. Huge quarantine asset. Mose... not so much. Credit: Justin Lubin / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Tim: I'm going off the rails here: Dwight K. Schrute is a wildcard of a human being who is certifiably bonkers. He is often inconsiderate. He lives by a rigid, illogical code.
HOWEVER!
By the end of the series, Dwight and his coworkers (scratch that: subordinates) have at the very least a begrudging respect for one another. Over time, he wins you over. In quarantine, there is nothing but time, and Dwight is undeniably prepared for this very scenario. It is Office canon that he maintains the best-stocked survival shelter in Northeastern Pennsylvania. Let us also not forget that he lives on a 60-acre farm — food for years! — and if shit gets real, Dwight's survival skills are through the roof.
Nicole:There's no doubt you're surviving this thing if you quarantine with Dwight. It's a smart, solid choice. As far as personality goes, Dwight takes some getting used to, and Mose is always running around, so you never know what germs he’s spreading. But you'll be extremely well off.
9. Oscar Martinez - Nicole
Oscar is going to be constantly cleaning and making his own mask for sure. Credit: Justin Lubin / NBC / NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images Nicole: OK, I'm making a weird choice for me personally and going with Oscar. I know he's very serious and uptight, but he's not as uptight as Angela and is capable of letting loose. I think Oscar would have it together in terms of taking coronavirus precautions seriously and staying safe, and if we ever found ourselves in a pinch he could call on (fictional) Pennsylvania State Senator Robert Lipton for help.
Tim: I think Oscar is a good, safe choice. He'd listen to the scientists, he'd have ALL the latest info — which may get annoying but would undoubtedly be helpful — and his home is neat and clean. And he likes trivia so maybe you two could get into that during quarantine?
10. David Wallace - Tim
David Wallace: Just an overall decent guy. Credit: Byron Cohen / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Tim: I'm taking David Wallace and, for me, this was an easy choice. I had him pretty high on my list. Wallace is reasonable and sane. He has a great house and vast resources to buy us stuff thanks to the fact that he sold Suck It (TM) to the military. I'm also an extraordinarily high-energy person who loves basketball and Wallace has a hoop, so that could keep me entertained for hours on end.
Nicole: A quarantine with David Wallace would be a quarantine with robes, drum lessons, and pick-up games in the driveway. Solid.
11. Jan Levinson - Nicole
Jan is a wildcard. She could be a dream quarantine partner or an absolute nightmare. Credit: Chris Haston / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Nicole: Perhaps I'll regret this, but I'm choosing Jan. In a perfect world I'd quarantine with pre-baby Jan (perhaps even pre-Michael Jan,) and it would be fine because she's a boss and would get shit done. We'd also have the help of assistant and music-maker, Hunter, and if the power went out or we got stressed we'd have a workspace full of Serenity By Jan candles.
Tim: Wow. Just a shocking pick. Jan was near the bottom of my list. I agree a pre-Michael Jan is ideal, but you're most likely going to be locked in a home with a sociopathic candlemaker who has a penchant for self-destruction so powerful it crushes everyone in its wake. Also, she's mean? Best of luck.
12. Meredith Palmer - Tim
Listen: Quarantine with Meredith would be a party. That's worth something. Credit: Chris Haston/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images Tim: I'm realizing I just questioned your judgment, Nicole, and then immediately did something completely unhinged. Meredith would almost certainly not take coronavirus seriously. She would not commit to isolation and would likely be drunk 70 percent of the time. (The other 30 percent of the time she'd be passed out.)
But you know what? Fuck it, let's get drunk.
Nicole: Tim, congrats on finally quarantining with a woman! When Meredith's in party mode she's fun, but you will also have to deal with potential hair fires and casual wardrobe malfunctions. Also, she would consume your entire supply of hand sanitizer.
Hand sanitizer doesn't stand a chance. Credit: mashable composite: the office / nbc / netflix 13. Stanley Hudson - Nicole
Stanley Hudson just wants to chill, he'll be fine. Credit: Colleen Hayes / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Nicole: Stanley will be absolutely useless to me, but he also seems very low maintenance, which means he won't be a bother. To quote Tim himself, Stanley is a nap icon, so he'd probably sleep most of the time and wake to do some relaxing crossword puzzles or make soft pretzels.
Tim: Totally get this pick. But, as I mentioned, I'm high-energy and I would drive Stanley absolutely insane, likely to the point where he has one of his shouting meltdowns.
14. Erin Hannon - Tim
At the very least, Erin is a nice person. Credit: Byron Cohen/NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images Tim: Erin is naive as hell and probably unfathomably bad at basic human tasks, but at her core, she's a good person and agreeable. I'm generally a pessimist, which can be tiring during a crisis. Maybe her optimism will rub off on me?
Nicole: Erin is kindhearted so she'd make a lovely, uplifting quarantine companion. But she isn't going to protect you.
15. Andy Bernard - Nicole
Andy attempting to be tolerable. Credit: Byron Cohen / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Nicole: Pickings are getting slim so I guess I'm choosing Andy. He would likely annoy me to no end, but maybe I could learn to play the banjo or something. He did punch a hole in the wall that time, though. And he'd probably nickname me something like "Big Quarantuna." Lord beer me strength, can I take this back?
Tim: First, no you cannot, all selections are final based on our arbitrary and meaningless rules.Further, I'm a little offended because, after a lot of soul searching, I think the Nard Dog is the Office character to whom I'm most similar. I realize how sad that is. But yeah, ultimately I agree... not a great quarantine buddy. We're moving fast toward the bottom of the barrel here.
16. Phyllis Lapin - Tim
Phyllis make me oven mitts in quarantine challenge. Credit: Mitchell Haaseth / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Tim: I consider Phyllis the most underrated Office character. She delivered some quietly hilarious lines — "Close your mouth sweetie, you look like a trout" — because she is low-key shady as hell. That really isn't a great quality for quarantine buddy, though. However, she probably cooks decent like... casseroles... or something? Crucially, her closeness to Bob Vance (Vance Refrigeration) probably means she has many fridges and freezers that are well-stocked with food. She'd also be a fun person to guzzle wine with and could sew you a gorgeous mask.
Phyllis wants WINE. Credit: The office / NBC / Netflix Nicole: Phyllis is very motherly, so you'd probably be well taken care of, but I have asthma and would hate the perfume Bob Vance bought her in Metropolitan Orlando. (Much like my quarantine pal, Karen Filippelli.) I know it's made from real pine and I have a lot to learn about this town, but I'm not about to expose my lungs to smelly irritants during this stressful time.
17. Michael Scott - Nicole
Michael Scott, no one's first choice but crucially, no one's last choice. Credit: Chris Haston / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Nicole: No matter what the mug says, Michael is never going to be the World's Best Quarantine Partner, but he's also not going to be the worst. Michael has poor taste in jokes and can be super problematic, but he meanswell, and deep down his employees like him. By the end of the series Michael exhibits a ton of character growth, so ideally, we'd speed that learning process along in quarantine. Also, he loves movies, so if nothing else at least we could like watch Devil Wears Prada, do impersonations,and throw cheese balls into each other's mouths.
Tim: You make a pretty convincing argument that Michael wouldn't be that bad. And Michael is, ultimately, a redeemable person. But let me remind you how awful MGS is in a crisis:
He pushed everyone out of the way during a fire.
He would have DIED in the wild had Dwight not saved him from eating poisonous mushrooms.
He once drove his car into a lake.
Let me repeat: He once DROVE his CAR into a LAKE.
18. Robert California - Tim
Robert California: a true wildcard pick. Credit: Chris Haston/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via getty images Tim: Robert California is strange in all the wrong ways, a total creep, and is the type of guy you wouldn't be shocked to find out is a serial killer. But here's my pro-Bobby argument, which is threefold.
He has a mansion with a pool.
You would never be bored (you may be part of a wild scene but you'd never be bored)
There's a non-zero chance he talks our way onto like a billionaire's island escape.
Nicole:I don't like the man, so I'm fine with this. Enjoy your pool and horrible company!
19. Clark Green - Nicole
Clark would be on his computer or gaming or something that doesn't involve me. Credit: Chris Haston / NBCU Photo Bank via getty images Nicole:Clark would be a solid "whatever" choice. The annoying "Dwight Impersonator" isn't someone I'd voluntarily choose to live with, but since my options are dwindling here we are.
Tim:Clark was probably my next choice, too. Kind of a slimeball, but mostly normal and intelligent? Also, he has fantastic balance, which may prove useful somehow?
20. Creed Bratton - Tim
Just pure insanity. Credit: Justin Lubin/NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images Tim: This is just the definition of a madness, fuck-it, sure-why-not selection. It would be interesting in an anthropological sort of way? And he's a delightful singer/guitar player. So there's that.
Nicole: You WILL have sprouted mung beans and they WILL smell like death. (Also, you might be murdered.)
21. Angela Martin - Nicole
Angela looking happy! See, it's possible. Credit: Chris Haston / NBCU Photo Bank Nicole:I'm going with my girl, Ange. She isn't thatbad once she warms up to you, and I'm sure Dwight would make sure we're protected. I'd challenge her to plan a fun post-quarantine party, which would distract her from getting annoyed with me.
Tim: I'm honestly impressed at your brilliance with the post-quarantine-party idea. You do, however,risk Angela turning on you when she realizes you haven't provided her with the proper resources to throw that party. I mean, she's neat and orderly, and would likely have a well-organized cupboard of supplies. I get it. But she's not very nice and I think she would hate me on like a deep, spiritual level.
22. Gabe Lewis - Tim
I mean... at least he makes pizza? Credit: Chris Haston/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images Tim: I don't know. Sure, he's a self-described human toilet. OK, he plays "soundscapes," whatever they are? Yes, he is into Cinema of the Unsettling. But, hey, he likes to cook and makes personal pizzas. Again, I don't know. At this point, he's the most normal human being remaining.
Nicole: Gabe is for sure going to be like, "SHUT UP ABOUT THE VIRUS. SHUT UP ABOUT THE VIRUS!"
23. Nellie Bertram - Nicole
Nellie is bearable I hope? Credit: Byron Cohen / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images Nicole: I refuse to voluntarily quarantine with either of the remaining bad men, so I'm choosing Nellie. She can be annoying, but at least she's a competent woman.
Tim: If you hadn't taken Nellie, I would have. She started off grating and mean, but ended up almost kooky? She's the clear choice over the dudes we have left.
24. Ryan Howard - Tim
Just not a good guy. Credit: Chris Haston/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images Tim: To quote Michael Scott: "I'm not blind! I know exactly who he is. He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, and he is a bad friend."
But, that said, he's better than my only other option.
Nicole: Ryan sucks as a person and will probably leave his cheese pita on "oven" instead of "toaster" and start a fire.
25. Toby Flenderson - Nicole
Nicole:
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