We regret to inform you that the fashion industry has officially gone too farin 2019. Specifically with regard to jeans fashion,fantasy sex world videos otherwise known as jashion.
Jeans are simple, classic, and a reliable tenant of wardrobes everywhere. You can wear them any season, any time, almostanywhere.
But certain clothing lines have turned our humble blue denim friends into a mad science experiment of tacky awfulness. And who among us has the right to play fashion god? Certainly not these runway clowns.
Jeans are dead and we've killed them. Here are the worst offenders of 2019.
1. Janties
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You know what lingerie will reallyspice things up in the bedroom? Not whatever the hell these are. How do your sweaty underbits not get completely and utterly chafed in this junderwear?A reporter at Vogueeven called up a gynecologistwhose general consensus was, yeah, please wear a thong with these.
It's hard to feel like these $315 French-cut denim "janties" from Y/Project's Spring 2019 Collectionaren't just a joke. Even if artistic intent was there, Twitter lost its mind. "As a busy and modern career woman on the go, I never leave the house without my powerful Jean Diaper™" one tweet read.
SEE ALSO:8 terrible jeans that prove denim has gone too far
2. Jeans that just can't make up their mind
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The Jekyll and Hyde of jeans, these are a goddamn monstrosity. Designer Ksenia Schnaider'screation has one leg that says "casual coffee date" and another that says "it's 1994, and I'm in a Jay and Silent Bob movie." We're begging you to just pick a side! Both skinny and flared jeans have their place, but you're gonna look like a fool if you pay $377 to keep tripping over only one legwhen you try to walk down the street in this little number.
3. The jeans-you-just-pulled-out-of-the-laundry jeans
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable While we may not have Jaws 19coming to a theater near you, there are a few things that Back to the Future IIdid somehow accurately predict. Inside-out jeans is, unfortunately, one of them. Some fashion and news sites love declaring every weird and offbeat item of clothing to come off the runway a "trend" that all the kids are totallywearing these days. But it's disheartening to give the official seal of approval that these Unravel Project inside-out jeans reallyarea trend(not to mention currently sold out). Some fashion choices should be left in the '80s version of the 2000s.
4. Too (many) chains
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable You know that feeling when you're about to go crazy stupid in the mosh pit at a metal concert, but your knees are a wee bit chilly? If so, ASOS' The Ragged Priest Black Label Chain Jeansare the ones for you.
When it comes to ASOS jeans, I feel like we're all at the point of shaking our fists and saying, "How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?" The description of these says both "more is definitely more" and"for an unfinished finish." So are these jeans excessive, or are they an "artistic" attempt at deconstructing jean parts, like the TopShop plastic knee jean holes of 2018? This is not Burger King, ASOS! You cannot have it both ways!
5. A new type of cleavage jeans
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It's hard to tell what the deeeep V panel on this model's jeans is supposed to be for,exactly. Showing off an unfortunately placed tattoo? Flexing your tummy tea abs? 'Tis a mystery, indeed, and made even more so by the fact that we don't know where they came from. Some things should stay that way.
6. The world's most useless joveralls
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable How? How do these jeans stay up without the straps? Where are the straps? For the low, low price of just $189, these Glen Martensjeans will have you feeling like a toddler who forgot to pull up their jumper after they went to the potty. Please, grow up and buy yourself some big person pants.
7. Not your grandma's jeans — oh, wait
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable A very cooland sexylook this season is imitating your grandma's quilted coach cushions. Wrap these bad boys in some plastic, and you're ready to go.
The "re-purposed mid-century quilt patches" go perfectly with a "simple tank and flat leather sandals," according to the product description on these B Sides jeansfrom Moda Operandi. They also go perfectly with mothballs, Pioneer Womankitchenware, and getting your horses in the back.
8. Jeans, and aWaAaAaAay!
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable I'm not sure who the target audience is for these $126 Open Ceremony Diesel Red Tag x Shayne Oliverjeans, but it doesn't really matter. They're sold out. Described as "a shredded, dystopic Americana remix on classic denim styles," the jeans themselves scream less Mad Max, and more Superman, if his day job was at a BBQ joint.
While the fashion industry may be telling us that everything from bootcut jeansto low-rise looksare definitely coming back this season, close your eyes and cover your ears. Use your common jense (jean sense) and make the right decisions.
9. The Jean speedo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable We regret to inform you that the jeedo exists. And you can buy it for about $40. Thanks, Turbo. OK, it may not be made of real denim, but just the fact that it looks like the tiniest pair of jorts ever is alarming. The jeedo is for anyone who wants to look like a dad trying to embarrass (read: scar) his kids in front of a crowd. Or if you're trying to look like Mr. Krabs at a sexy car wash.
I don't want to see these anywhere. Not at the pool. Not at Olympics. And certainly not at the beach. We're doing enough damage to the ocean as it is. Let's not subject it to the horrors of humanity any further.
10. Wood chipper jeans
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Oh good, the kind of jeans that prompt questions such as: "Are you OK?" "Is something wrong?" and "What happened?" You ever wonder what it'd be like to have your skin be totally indestructible and get thrown into a wood chipper, shredding everything except for your actual body? Well, we didn't until we saw these extreme cutout jeans from Carmar, which are apparently popular enough to have sold out.
These poor jeans have gone through some sort of crisis we can't determine. But if it's 120 degrees and you just can't give up the denim, maybe "attacked by a lawnmower" jeans are an option for you.
11. Branded jeans
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable We still cannot tell if these are real or if they're some sort of elaborately designed hologram. Why are we straining to look at them? Why are the brands all error messages? Is that Pac-Man? Jeans should not be provoking this many questions.
These branded jeans from Vetements (which sell for a modest €1,150) are a fashion statement that gives the appearance of saying a lot but nobody has any goddamn clue what it's talking about. They are the Kanye West of jeans.
12. I can't see these jeans!!
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Vetements! Why are you doing this to us?! We are stressing over these jeans, which retail for €1,150 (why?). The camouflage against the regular blue denim is doing something torturous to our brains. We know camo is a thing in fashion, but we've never seen it done quite like this.
13. Yee-haw jeans
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable What in the Dolly Parton, Country Music Awards singin', Jolene man-stealin', hootin' and hollerin', corn shuckin', beer guzzlin' hee-haw are these jeans?? They're from R13 and they'll cost you $565. We've certainly seen worse, but unless you're an aspiring bluegrass singer/songwriter, it may be time to leave this style in the past.
14. Jeans on jeans on jeans
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable These jorts live for anarchy. Society says "pick a pair of jeans and where them!" and these jeans are like, "NO." The double-back shorts, also from R13, also $565, are truly a wonder to behold, and that's not necessarily a good thing.
From the back, it kind of looks like you're wearing denim underwear. There's too much jean happening here. We didn't know there was such a thing, but ya learn something new everyday.
15. The joot
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Wearing denim with boots is one thing. The joot is another. The joot radiates a kind of energy that strikes fear in our very soles. You could stare at it for an hour and it wouldn't be any less shocking than when you first saw it.
These R13 joots, at the cost of $837, have the power to turn Reba McEntire from a Grammy-winning country music artist into an aspiring business accountant in no time. If this is the attire of your profession, run away as fast as you can. R13 may be trending toward an Ugly Denim Award, if one exists.
16. The Far Right
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Did the NRA just get a donation from these jeans? If the R13 twister jeans aren't the official jean of the Republican Party, well, they're a strong candidate. They've chosen a side, and the outcome is uh... whew. You'll be $425 out of pocket for these jeans.
Forget practicality for a second. Just the asymmetry of them is visually upsetting, especially so when your belt buckle is hanging off your hip. To be clear, there is no correct way to jean. But this... this is incorrect.
Parts of this list were originally featured in "The worst jean trends of 2019 (so far)"earlier this year.