May is my first time having sex with my sister videosNational Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourself, a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure.
So you've decided to masturbate. Congrats!
If you're new to masturbation or haven't enjoyed it in the past, creating comfortable conditions for self-pleasure can be daunting. Should you put music on or keep the room quiet? What about lighting? Should you use toys or no? It's understandable to have a lot of questions or to be unsure where to begin.
The great news: You can basically do whatever you want, because this is all aboutyou. "The best thing about masturbation is that you don't have to be concerned about anything other than pleasing yourself," says Lisa Finn, brand manager and sex educator at the sex toy boutique Babeland. "Since it's only you and your body, there's no pressure to please someone else, to worry about what you may look or sound like, or to navigate if trying something new may not work." The world is your oyster; you just have to find out what feels good for you.
Finn does recommend that, no matter what, you silence your phone before you get started. "Getting inundated with Slack notifications right as you're getting hot and heavy is a very easy way to kill the mood," she says.
If you live with other people, creating a space free of distractions can be a bit more complicated. If your door has a lock you should lock it, obviously, but if your housemates are a little too comfortable walking into your room, it's worth having a conversation about respecting personal space when your bedroom door is closed. If you want, you can even tell them you've taken up meditation. (Also a great pursuit!) And it's important that you respect your roommates' space, too: If you'll be watching porn or listening to audio erotica, use headphones.
Elsewhere in the room, it really depends on what turns youon in particular -- and Finn emphasizes that you should give yourself space to discover your preferences down to the tiny details. Is there a song you always find arousing when it comes up on shuffle? Try playing a Spotify radio station based on that track. Does bright overhead lighting remind you of your extremely unsexy workday? Consider turning off the lights and opting for soothing candles instead. There are even candles that double as (not-too-hot) massage wax.
SEE ALSO: How mutual masturbation can help close the orgasm gap'You don't have to be concerned about anything other than pleasing yourself.'
Finn also notes that you might find it easier to reach orgasm if you're warm. "Try touching yourself under the covers, or even in a warm bath or shower," she says. You can also take warmth into account when deciding what (if anything) to wear, but it's worth considering what kind of clothing makes you feel sexy, too. "If you're playing with fantasy, throw on some lingerie or even a costume," Finn says. "If you just want to focus on being comfortable, break out those cozy boxer shorts or wear nothing at all."
Then there's the matter of accessories. Above all, Finn recommends using lube. "Whether you're using hands or a toy, lube is going to add sensation and make everything slicker and more pleasurable," she says.
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As far as sex toys go, the right one for you depends -- once again -- on your personal needs. If you're worried about your hands getting tired or if you already know you need a lot of stimulation, Finn recommends using a powerful, wand-style vibrator like the iconic Hitachi Magic Wand Plus. If you're interested in internal stimulation, she suggests a "firm dildo for finding or hitting the G-spot or prostate," like the NJoy Fun Wand.
Of course, while orgasms are good (lol), Finn stresses that they're not the only good thing about touching yourself. "Masturbating is a great way to explore the body and learn what works and what doesn't for you," Finn says. "Instead of focusing on a 'finish line,' enjoy all of the wonderful sensations that your body can feel, and enjoy taking time to get in touch with your physical self."
Sounds good to us.
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