"Happy hour" drinks that cost $25. Missing the C train by one second and african chief white woman sex videoshaving to wait 30 minutes until the next one. Your landlord texting you for weeks that someone is "definitely coming" to fix your $1,800-a-month apartment's plumbing. If you grew up or lived in New York, went to school in New York, or just binge-watched too many episodes of Broad City, you already know what's going on here.
Start spreading the news: living in the Big Apple kinda blows sometimes. You recognize, in theory, that there's so much to love about the city. Bodega cats, your favorite falafel guy, the privilege that your favorite band will probably always stop here on tour. But nothing says living in NYC like frequently broadcasting that you need to move out of here, like, yesterday.
And nobody shits on New York more than people who know the ins and outs of all its weirdness. Those same people are also its most ride-or-die defenders. There's a type of casual cynicism that comes from wanting your favorite place in the world to do better dammit. That unique feeling is captured perfectly by the Twitter account @ineedtoleavenyc.
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"I think everybody who lives here has at least some beef with the city," says the INTLNY creator (who wishes to remain anonymous for a "sort of Pretty Little Liars/Scarlet Letter kind of vibe") in an interview with Mashable.
"Even if you love it (which I very much do sometimes), everybody has those moments where you wonder: 'Why do I live here?' Maybe this is true for living anywhere, but that feeling, like most things in New York, is exaggerated because of the environment."
This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.SEE ALSO: Untouched In-N-Out Burger abandoned in NYC street, over a thousand miles from nearest In-N-Out
INTLNY writes all the posts on Google Docs during their commute. "God bless getting a door-leaning spot on the train so I can type with both hands," they joked. Every tweet is either born from personal experience or friends’ experiences, expanded into a "gross caricature" that they believe people can relate to.
Like a collective quarter-life crisis, the feeling of needing get out of New York strikes every resident with pointed accuracy at some point in their young lives. You might feel it as the sweat runs down your back in the tunnel of a sweltering subway station in the middle of summer as the MTA beats on about "further delays." Or, it might strike when the $1 pizza hits your lactose-intolerant stomach on the middle of the dance floor at an overpriced club. Maybe when you're in at loft party in Williamsburg getting your tarot cards read and you think to yourself, "you know what, I have no idea what 'typical Virgo behavior' means."
My own personal moment came from the good ol' 1 train itself. Once while riding the subway in the wee hours of the morning, I was blessed over the loudspeaker with this interaction: "the next stop is 18th street, and thank you for riding NJTransit —FUCK," before the voice cut out abruptly. Hey, maybe it was the dude's first day on the job. Or maybe he just really missed NJ. Can't imagine why.
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When asked what was most frustrating about the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, INTLNY said "$1 pizza that’s too hot when you buy it so you have to wait thirty seconds and just stand there." But for a legitimately frustrating reason, they dislike the city administration’s "handling of car culture."
"I’m fully onboard with the growing trend of anti-car activism/car ban proponents. Better for the environment, pedestrian safety, etc. Bikes and public transit (yes, even the subway) forever!"they said.
But it's true that living here is a dichotomy of experiences. "I can feel New York actively ruining every place I will live in after because of the sheer access to amazing and diverse experiences. It’s just that sometimes you almost slip in a puddle of vomit when walking to one of these amazing experiences." Quite literally, sometimes. "One time I was on a train and there [were] two people vomiting simultaneously on either end of the car," they replied.
But the lows never last for long, though. After all, there's a reason why every tweet ends with a contradicting statement, "Why I can't leave New York." There's a reason why we stay, why we put up with things. Maybe we're just gluttons for punishment. Maybe it's the bagel water.
INTLNY said that for every "psycho out on the street playing a broken stereo system at 4 in the morning," there were twice as many genuinely kind, fascinating, cool and talented people. "There is a distinct camaraderie you build with one another in dealing with the same endless list of small problems."
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There are two hard-and-fast rules for surviving, though. Number one, never pay "more than $8" for iced coffee, and number two, "no more than $18 [for cocktails], which is the same amount of money it cost for my friend and I to spike an extra large movie theater soda with a flask of Jameson last weekend. Highly recommend."
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So in the wise words of DCOM legend High School Musical, "We're all in this together." If you can make it here...well, you how it goes.
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