If you ever want to know what true cowardice looks like,hidden sex videos just accompany me to the cinema to watch any horror movie.
It doesn't even need to have a restricted rating. If the film has a mildly eerie soundtrack and a few well-placed jump scares, I can guarantee I will be peering at it through a crack in my quivering fingers. It's been close to a decade since I made the horrendous mistake of going to watch Insidiouson the big screen, for instance, and the memories have stuck with me ever since. I sat through the entire thing, but probably only saw about 11% of the actual movie.
The saddest part is I'm not even exaggerating for effect here. For as long as I can remember, I've always had a problem with jumpy horror films. If I think something's about to pop out at me, I genuinely struggle to keep my eyes on the screen.
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Over the years I've perfected various spineless techniques to try and combat this. In an attempt to avoid the deep humiliation of actually covering my face in public, I'll stare at the very corner of the screen or squint my eyes so much I can barely see anything other than the faintest blur of movement. If you're as pitiful as I am, I'd thoroughly recommend both these methods.
Recently, though, I decided enough was enough. The thing is, I likehorror films. I want to keep watching them. And I want to actually seewhat's happening when I do.
With that in mind, I set out once and for all to discover a) if there are other people out there like me, b) if my jump scare aversion is caused by some kind of phobia, and c) if there's any hope for me becoming braver so I no longer have to embarrass myself and my companions in public.
Is struggling to sit through jump scares a common thing?
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Although my friends, family, and elderly relatives seem able to sit through jump scares with barely a flinch, apparently I'm not the onlyone who struggles.
A recent tweet I put out drummed up a decent number of replies from people in a similar boat.
"I am startled super easily, so you can imagine how much I dislike the idea of a jump scare in a movie," 39-year-old Broadway marketer, Sam Maher, told me. "My entire life is spent with my boyfriend of 11 years walking around our tiny NYC apartment and accidentally startling me, even just by calmly walking into a room (and then me startling him with how dramatically I react to being startled!) — so the last thing I need is more of that in my life with horror movies."
Maher said the last horror film he watched was The Ring, around 15 years ago. He hasn't seen a single second of another one since.
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Ingrid van Veen, a teacher living in London, also knows my pain.
"When I think a jump scare is about to happen I mostly look away until the threat is over," she explained. "There are times when I miss it and then I usually end up screaming. That is pretty embarrassing when there's a lot of people around. I also tend to slap my friend's arm if they are next to me. Basically it is just better if I stay at home."
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37-year-old writer Fiona Dodwell, meanwhile, has multiple things in common with my own experiences. She's a big horror fan, like me, and she also writes horror fiction, like me. But when it comes to horror movies, she still struggles.
SEE ALSO: 13 of the best Stephen King short stories you've never read"This might sound strange, given that I actually love horror so much and grew up with it, but when it comes to jump scares in movies, I'm a bit of a wimp," Dodwell said. "Most of the time, I have my hand over my eyes, peeking between my fingers, or I have a cushion at the ready. I find it almost unbearable if a film manages to make me this fearful, I feel almost desperate for the 'jump' to actually happen so I can relax again!"
I hear that.
Is there a phobia associated with a fear of jump scares?
Mildly more secure in the knowledge that I'm not the only one suffering with this strange affliction, I decided to try and get to the bottom of the fear itself.
"If you want to react less, watch more and start with films where you can manage (only just) to not look away"
Perhaps, like the now dictionary-official "coulrophobia" (a.k.a. an abnormal fear of clowns), I'd discover that my aversion to jump scares has a handy label I can attach to it — maybe it's actually a phobia that psychologists are already well aware of, for instance?
In an attempt to find out, I reached out to a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Oxford, Paul Salkovskis. And he quickly put me in my place.
"Easy. Not a phobia," responded Salkovskis. "Horror movies are meant to frighten and they do. Some people are more sensitive to that than others, like some people are taller than others and so on. Not a phobia."
You can't put it more plainly than that. Salkovskis went on to emphasise that horror movies frighten on the basis of what you can'tsee, which you end up filling in with your own imagination — as thriller master Alfred Hitchcock famously said, "There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."
Luckily, Salkovskis has a basic strategy for getting over a fear of jump scares, although you're probably not going to like it.
"If you want to react less, watch more and start with films where you can manage (only just) to not look away," he said. "Then work upwards...
"If you look away go back to the bit you did and watch it several times until it bothers you less. Pretty common sense!!"
So there we have it — apparently I don't have a phobia after all. I am quite simply, as I've long suspected, merely lacking in the backbone department.
If anyone has a mildly jumpy children's film they can recommend to me for training, please get in touch.