Revolutionaries,baroque eroticism saints catholicism take note -- if you're planning a government takeover, please use high quality breakfast pastries.
That's a lesson that White House Budget Director Mick Mulvaney apparently hadn't learned when he stepped into the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau today. He was there to take on an additional job as the agency's director.
The only problem? The agency's acting director, Leandra English, refused to cede it to him, in the workplace drama of the decade.
As a Trump appointee, Mulvaney wasn't exactly welcomed at at the job, so he brought crappy Dunkin' Donuts as a way to "ease" himself into an agency he's expected to destroy.
SEE ALSO: Sorry, Cards Against Humanity can't stop Trump's wallOn Friday, Director Richard Cordray stepped down, leaving English to serve as acting director. Last night, English filed a lawsuit claiming that she is the "rightful acting director" of the agency. English has asked the court to impose a temporary restraining order to prevent Trump from appointing anyone, arguing that she is entitled to her position under the Dodd Frank Wall Street Reform Law.
Mulvaney brings donuts to his first day at CFPB. Couldn’t hurt. pic.twitter.com/BpKJ2nd1L0
— Katie Rogers (@katierogers) November 27, 2017
None of that stopped Mulvaney. On Monday, the Budget Director stepped into the CFPB, ready to take on his new job.
This is how English responded in an email sent to 1,600 staff.
"I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving. With Thanksgiving in mind, I wanted to take a moment to share my gratitude to all of you for your service,” English said, signing the note with her title, "Acting Director."
And that, my friends, is what we call a death drop.
Via GiphyHere's how Mulvaney responded:
“Please disregard any instructions you receive from Ms. English in her presumed capacity as acting director.” Mulvaney said. “I apologize for this being the very first thing you hear from me. However, under the circumstances I suppose it is necessary. If you’re at 1700 G Street today, please stop by the fourth floor to say hello and grab a doughnut.”
If Mulvaney, a budget hawk, thinks he can sway members of an agency whose jobs he's poised to eliminate with Dunkin' Donuts, he's out of his mind. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau was explicitly designed to protect consumers from banks and credit card companies. Mulvaney once famously called the agency "sad" and "sick." He is not, as members of the agency likely know, their friend.
And dude, if you're going to try and win your staff over with breakfast pastries, at least go for something slightly more delicious than Dunkin'. Some suggestions:
Krispy Kreme
Entenmann's Coffee Cake
Savory bacon cheddar scones
Literally anything else
The case is currently being decided. In the meantime, here's Twitter's majority opinion on the issue:
We actually have two people claiming to be the CFPB acting director and this is *not* a romantic comedy where they fall in love at the end. pic.twitter.com/R80kPJdQrN
— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) November 27, 2017
Donuts were a big hit at cfpb. Like they always are. @MickMulvaneyOMB pic.twitter.com/zgX5Y1Rlt3
— john czwartacki (@CZ) November 27, 2017
If there's a Trump strategy here, it's to sideline her as a CFPB messenger by starting round 10,000 of the stupid "Pocahontas" story
— Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) November 27, 2017
what if i went to the cfpb with bagels and was like "i am your new king, follow me"
— Matt Levine (@matt_levine) November 27, 2017
we should find out who is the real acting director by threatening to cut the CFPB in half
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) November 27, 2017
Chef José Andrés, the man who single-handedly served 3 million meals to Puerto Rico post Hurricane Maria, had the best response of them all.
@CFPB team members! i know is confusing. To have two bosses? Please bring a proof you work there to any of our DC restaurants and first drink is on us...
— José Andrés (@chefjoseandres) November 27, 2017
Case closed.
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