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WrestleMania is homemade amature sex videoquite possibly the biggest event in professional wrestling. It's the "Showcase of the Immortals," "The Granddday of them All." This is a big deal for professional wrestling fans across the world, and now is actually a great time to start watching WWE, as many of its biggest storylines will culminate this weekend and during the event, new feuds and stories will start in their place.

Will Jey Uso finally redeem himself, leave his toxic family and save his twin brother? Can Rey Mysterio knock some sense into his privileged and bratty son Dominik? And can Edge get his revenge inside the dastardlyHell in the Cell against the man who put his wife in the hospital? All these questions and more will be answered on Saturday and Sunday, April 1 and 2, at SoFi Stadium this weekend. Or live on Peacock for just $4.99.

SEE ALSO: How and where to watch WrestleMania 39

If you've found yourself forced to watch this weekend's proceedings by a friend or loved one, below you'll find a guide to WrestleMania 39's 13 matches—explained in a way so you don't have to watch years worth of WWE programming to "get it." Yes we know, pro wrestling is "fake," but if you allow yourself to be immersed in the experience and art you'll find that it's can just as good as your favorite season of Grey's Anatomy or Succession.

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What is WrestleMania?

For starters, here's the basic rundown of what WrestleMania is. It is WWE's biggest, longest-running, and most successful pay-per-view/live-streaming event since its conception by executive chairman Vince McMahon in 1985. For many fans and wrestlers, however, it's basically the Superbowl. It's March Madness. The Masters, the NBA Championship, and the World Series. It's the be-all, end-all of professional wrestling. As such, WWE puts a lot of investment and spectacle into making each WrestleMania as memorable as the last

The event takes place between mid-March and early April each year, with the company bringing together its best wrestlers (or superstars as the company refers to them as), legends, and celebrities in front of a massive audience of millions around the world watching at home or attending live.

In an interview with Chuck Carroll of CBS ahead of WrestleMania 35, Becky Lynch explained what Mania and main eventing it meant to her:

Every year, WrestleMania's card gets bigger and bigger, and since 2020, the "Showcase of the Immortals" has become a two-night event. The same goes for this year's proceedings, with ESPN confirming on First Takethe full lineup of each night's card.

With 13 matches split between the two nights, below you'll see our best attempt at getting you emotionally invested in the marquee matchups that will dominate social media in the days to come. Or at least give you an idea of what's happening so you're not clueless in front of your wrestling friends:

The story so far...

Cody Rhodes vs Roman Reigns

The headliner of WrestleMania is the fated clash between two famous wrestling dynasties: The Anao'i family and the Rhodes. In the winner-takes-all championship main event for the WWE Undisputed Universal Championship (the unified combination of the Universal Championship and WWE Championship), Roman Reigns will defend his title against Cody Rhodes.

It would take an entirely separate article to fully explain the path each of these superstars took to reach this point but here's the long story short. For the past three years, Roman Reigns, known as "The Tribal Chief," has held the Undisputed Universal Championship since August 2020. As the "Head of the Table" and the leader of his family, The Bloodline, Reigns is the company's longest-reigning champion since 1988. A member of the Anoa'i wrestling dynasty, Reigns is a first cousin once removed to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and fellow Bloodline members, twin brothers the Usos (Jimmy and Jey) and their younger brother Solo Sikoa.

Reigns rules his family and WWE with an iron fist and, since the formation of the Bloodline, has spent the last two years emotionally and physically torturing his cousin Jey Uso through verbal abuse and a myriad of needless loyalty tests. Jey was Reigns' first challenger after the latter won the Universal Championship in August 2020, beating him unconscious in the match to the point Jey's brother, Jimmy, had to throw in the towel for him. Since then, Reigns has become a paranoid, loathsome villain unsure if he can trust his own family, incessantly seeking acknowledgment from any and everyone to mask his own insecurities.

His challenger, "The American Nightmare" Cody Rhodes. The son of the dearly departed wrestling legend "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, Cody is one match away from achieving something no one in his family has done in WWE: winning the world championship. At once considered a WWE-lifer, Cody shocked the pro wrestling world and left WWE in 2016.

From there, he traveled the world, wrestling everywhere from bingo halls to the Tokyo Dome in Japan. Making his mark in the greater world of wrestling outside WWE, Cody was instrumental in the creation of All Elite Wrestling, the biggest pro wrestling promotion to rival WWE since the shuttering of WCW in 2001. With AEW, Cody served as executive vice president and was one of the company's top stars. Cody then shocked the world again by leaving AEW to return to where it all started—back to WWE.

The winner of the annual Royal Rumble match (a 30-man battle royale where the winner receives a WrestleMania main event), Cody has the opportunity to do something no one in WWE has not been able to do in three years: beat Roman Reigns.

Having not suffered a 1-v-1 loss since 2020, The Tribal Chief could be an insurmountable challenge for Cody at WrestleMania. However, thanks to growing resentment within the Bloodline, the thing that could stop Roman Reigns might be his own family.

The betrayal and redemption of Sami Zayn

An integral component of the brewing collapse within the Bloodline is that of Canadian wrestler Sami Zayn, who, along with fellow Canadian and friend Kevin Owens, is set to take on the Usos for the Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship.

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Since this time last year, Zayn has been an unofficial member of the Bloodline, forming an alliance with the Tribal Chief when the former was seeking help during a feud with Drew McIntyre. Before long — and much to Jey’s chagrin — Sami Zayn seemed to make his way into Roman Reigns’ inner circle.

In November, after much tension, Zayn finallyproved himself a member of the Bloodline by low blowing his friend Kevin Owens (yes the guy he's teaming up with Saturday. Their history together is also a long story for another time). Even after this, Reigns, a paranoid narcissist, called into question Zayn's loyalty. This time he was saved by Jey who had finally come to accept him into the family.

That little heartfelt moment didn't last for long. At the Royal Rumble, after successfully defending his title against Owens, Reigns tasked Zayn with once again harming his best friend.

But this time, Zayn did something not even Jey could do in the past few years—Sami fought back. In genuinely one of the best moments in recent WWE memory, Zayn finally fought back against the abuse laid out to him by Reigns and took a steel chair to Tribal Chief to save his best friend. The event has started a road to redemption for the once delusional sycophant and set the stage for not only the tag team championship but the main event as well.

Bianca Belair and the women of WWE continue to make history

WrestleMania is all about full circle moments and nothing feels more full circle than both Women's Championship matches. The first is Bianca Belair's championship defense of her Raw Women's title against Asuka.

Belair, the longest reigning Black world champion in the company's history and one-half of the first-ever WrestleMania main event to feature two black women, is set to defend a title she won last year at...WrestleMania. A former collegiate track athlete with no background in pro wrestling, Belair has made her mark as one of WWE's top stars, breaking down doors and barriers in the sport that was once inaccessible to women and Black wrestlers.

Called the "EST of WWE" (because she's the fastEST and strongEST), Belair is set to defend against the world-weary veteran Asuka, who's become a staple of WWE programming in the last half-decade. Asuka made her name known working in Japan and has won every accomplishment possible in WWE. Just like Belair, Asuka is a pioneer for women's wrestling in WWE and their clash at WrestleMania is sure to steal the show.

Another full-circle moment in the women's division sees Rhea Ripley challenge Charlottle Flair for the Smackdown's Women's Championship. Three years ago, Flair won the Women's Royal Rumble and challenged Ripley for the NXT Women's Championship. Ripley lost to Flair on that night and has never beaten her since.

Now, the roles are reversed with Ripley having won the Women's Royal Rumble and challenging Flair for her title at this year's WrestleMania. Ripley has taken on a meaner, darker persona since then having joined the Judgement Day, a faction of wrestlers best described as goth bullies.

A rematch three years in the making, Ripley vs Flair is the likely main event for night one.

Another marquee matchup on night one is a six-women tag team match featuring wrestling legends Trish Stratus and Lita. Joined by Becky Lynch, the winner of the first-ever women's WrestleMania main event, the three women will face Damage CTRL (Bayley, IO SKY, Dakota Kai). The story at play is that Damage CTRL has been disrespecting the good names of these iconic WWE legends.

Stratus and Lita have done a lotof work to lay the foundation of the women's revolution and it's a treat for fans to see the two perform at WrestleMania once again since the two retired as full-timers years ago.

Best of the rest of the card

That just about covers the bigger storylines going into WrestleMania 39, but what about the matches on the card? While not the A stories featured on this year's Showcase of the Immortals, there are plenty of fights that might be of interest to keep you invested through the night's events.

The first is a pair of matches featuring members of the aforementioned faction of goth bullies, The Judgement Day. Dominik Mysterio, the son of the iconic luchador Rey Mysterio, is set to face his father after months of goading and disrespect by the former. Rey has finally had enough of his son's antics which include many, many ruined holiday dinners and even a night in jail.

The second Judgment Day match is between the faction's leader Finn Balor and former leader Edge. Set inside Hell in a Cell (basically a giant steel cage), this is the end of a vicious rivalry that saw Balor and Judgement Day put Edge's wife in the hospital. If you've ever felt the shame and humiliation of being kicked out of the spooky, supernatural friend group that youstarted, then you can understand why Edge is upset. Especially after said friend group of goth bullies spend months harassing you and your family.

If you're a fan of genetic freaks of nature doing things no one that size should be doing, you'll enjoy Brock Lesnar vs Omos and the WWE Intercontinental Championship match between Gunther, Sheamus, and Drew McIntyre. What's the story here? I don't know, beats me. Then what's there to enjoy? Big meaty men slapping meat. Sometimes in wrestling, it's best to just turn your brain off. Lesnar, a former UFC Heavyweight champion, will chow down with our 7'3 Nigerian overlord Omos. It'll be a spectacle for everyone's collective monkey brains.

The story of the Intercontinental Championship match is quite literally built on how much these three men have beaten the shit out of each other in past matches. No seriously, take a look at this match between Gunther and Sheamus back in September:

If you're a fan of celebrities that have no business being in a wrestling ring, then you'll love Logan Paul vs "The Visionary" Seth Rollins. Paul has made a couple of WWE appearances which included a world championship match against Reigns in Saudi Arabia (I promise that's a real thing that happened). To the surprise of many, Paul has taken quickly to the ring thanks to his impressive athleticism and his work as a social media influencer making him a natural entertainer in a business that calls itself "sports entertainment." It also helps that he seems to genuinely appreciate and respect the craft and dedication it takes to be a wrestler full-time.

WWE is no stranger to having celebrity matches at WrestleMania. Infamously, former-NFL star Lawrence Taylor wrestled in the main event of WrestleMania 11, Floyd Mayweather had a boxing match against the Big Show at WrestleMania 24, and most recently Bad Bunny appeared in a tag team match at WrestleMania 37. This is the match most non-wrestling fans may tune in to see as Paul steps into his second WrestleMania match to date.

Hosted by WWE superstar and NBA celebrity all-star standout Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, celebrities from all across the entertainment world will be set to make WrestleMania appearances like Snoop Dogg, Becky G, and Jimmie Allen. Those are just the ones that have been announced but WrestleMania is built on surprise so one should be on the lookout for more.

Speaking of celebrity wrestlers in Hollywood, John Cena, a 16-time world champion and star of HBO's Peacemaker, is set for a WWE United States Championship match against Austin Theory. Cena is slowly ramping down his pro wrestling career as he settles into his acting career ala Dwayne Johnson and Dave Bautista. Coincidentally enough, the last time WWE held WrestleMania in Hollywood in 2005, it was Cena who starred in the main event, winning his first WWE Championship.

Now, 18 years later, Cena will be the opener facing off against a new generation of stars who are making their mark in the wild, wacky world of WWE.

The intertwined storylines both scripted and organic have created a card of matches full of irony and full circles With an estimated 65,000 fans set to attend both nights of WrestleMania, the WWE Universe is set to watch one of the best pro wrestling events in the world. If you're not a fan but have read this far, I hope you stick around and watch a match or two this weekend. Cause when wrestling is at its best, it really is the best entertainment around. And even when's it not, at least you can find enjoyment in the cringe.

Topics NBC Sports

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